anew when his repertoire seemed worn out? Far more worrying was the notion that his re-runs did not always coincide with earlier versions of his stories. Which ending, or details, was I to believe? Only many years later did I make a serious attempt to extract a definitive version of his war-adventures from him. Armed with a cassette-recorder, I visited my parent's house. My father and I looked for a place opposite each other across the table. Although I had put it into my head that my aim must be historical, this conviction seemed to evaporate when I started on the rough draft of his stories. Certain fantastic aspects of what he told me had my preference. Always at the expense of the real historical war-experiences that I had wanted to describe. Could this development mean that I had curtailed my war-trauma? Probably so, but it remains a guessing-game, what goes on in the deep... Another conclusion must be that the noisy beginning of my life made it so, that I hadn't got a tear left later on in life. So I could face the huge spectre of post-war peace in reasonable balance, and with dry eyes. II I shall not reveal the digest of my interview, the main story of my father's war-adventures. Only the most fantastic and most absurd event from that time shall be revealed. It should be a symbol of the chaos that ruled in that great Realm of Darkness. How could my father pass on these ultimate experiences to us? All his stories were insufficient (by definition) to shed light upon the humiliating and yet exciting days, end of 1944, and the beginning of 1945. Is that why he endlessly repeated his stories? Spring of 1945. Suddenly my father and his brothers found themselves trapped amidst great troop-move ments. As if caught in the eye of a military tornado. After a successful escape-attempt in the vicinity of Bremen, they had to plow their way through heavy shooting, minefields and hostile towns and villages. Fugitives from all over Europe are swarming through. In this total anarchy, anything goes. In a village, the name of which I have never heard mentioned, the brothers find a small railway-station, and an abandoned train-carriage. They force a lock, and drag out all the freight. Sealed boxes and crates. The loot is a disappointment: ladies nylons, umbrellas, ladies underwear and apples. At last they force open a metal box. This contains plenty of Dutch banknotes. The well-known notes of 25 and 10 guil ders, but also brown, unknown banknotes of 5 guil ders. The sight of all this money has them loose their last inhibitions. From that moment on, they are invin cible. They count off over 100.000 guilders, stuff the money in their battered rucksacks, and regain their breath in the station building. To release the tension, they throw stones at a portrait of Hitler. They rumma ge through the mailbags behind the station-counter. Finally they set fire to the building. The loot is handed out amongst the locals the next day. Women and children line up in rows on the only platform. Then they head off south, on foot or hitchhiking. By now, they looked like Mexican bandits: Spanish boots (sto len), leather coats (traded), berets, long hair, pistols (obtained from an Englishman), head lice and fleas. After a screening and de-lousing, and a short, compulsory stay in Eindhoven, they are allowed to return to Rotterdam. With the money, they can't do much. There is hardly anything on sale in town. My father, usually very keen on saving, spends thousands of guilders on fairgrounds and dancehalls. He even buys a few paintings which he doesn't even like much. When after the war the great money-launde ring scheme starts under Finance-Minister Lieftinck (The Netherlands looks like an empty shop with an overflowing till), my grandfather has an accountant figure out what he could have saved during a dutiful life. That amount, 25.000 guilders, he trades in for unsuspected, whitewashed money. The rest of his loot was by then either spent or burned, for fear of being incriminated. Probably to sweep the fantastic element of this story to even greater heights, the following happens. My Granddad takes the money to a bank office of Mees Hope, and obtains exchange-tenders. Back home, he wants to throw them on the table, in demonstration. But what is the case? The tenders have disappeared from his inside-coat pocket. Of course, this causes some commotion in the family. Who is in cahoots with whom? Later, my father will never admit to a possible conspiracy by his parents, brothers and sisters. This fact is just too painful, too subverting for our trust. How can his children believe in the future, when they realize that the Great War is not only fought outside the family, but also within? 18 Zeeuws Tijdschrift 2004/6-7

Tijdschriftenbank Zeeland

Zeeuws Tijdschrift | 2004 | | pagina 20